The Three Fates of Greek Mythology
I once read this ancient Greek myth about the three fates. They are these old spinster women who sit on Mount Olympus and weave this tapestry of human destiny. Every person is a thread on the tapestry, and the first fate spins the thread, the second fate determines how long your thread is, and the third fate cuts your thread when it's time for you to die.
That's all they do all day long: spin, measure, and cut. That and gain vengeance. The fates were really jealous, so if you forgot to pray to them, you got majorly reemed. One time Agamemnon went out to sea without paying homage to them, so they cut his thread in half and died right there on the spot.
It's weird to think somebody somewhere has your destiny all figured out. One afternoon at the Breakfast Barn, I was filling up the jam holders, and I started fixating on that. I started imagining somewhere my fate was all decided, and it really got to me. I was like, "OK, fates. I'm rebelling against you." I thought, "My destiny is to stab this jam packet with this fork," so I sat still and didn't do anything.
Then I thought, "All right. Maybe my destiny has been to do the opposite of what I say I'm going to do," so I thought about stabbing the
APPREHENSIVE CUSTOMER: "I'll just leave the money on the table."
I've been thinking a lot about the second fate, the one who determines how long everyone's thread is. According to the myth, the longer your thread is, the more you're blessed by good fortune; the shorter your thread is, the more you're cursed with bad luck.
Like the blond lacrosse girl who came in earlier tonight. She probably has a medium length thread. She's pretty, and she'll probably end up living in the suburbs somewhere, but something bad will happen. Her kid will get an ear infection. Something like that.
Shaquille O'Neil probably has a really long thread. He's rich, he's handsome. He has it all. Those fates sure do like Shaq.
I'm really worried about the length of my own thread.
I mean, it might be long. I can see that. I've always been a late bloomer, you know?
But for some reason, I think I might have a short thread. I mean, maybe this is it. The Breakfast Barn. Hello life.
Man.
That'd be a real bummer.
Then I thought, "OK. Maybe that wasn't my destiny. My destiny was to do nothing," so I immediately picked up the fork and started stabbing the jam packet. 
jam packet and I began stabbing it.
