I had a dream last night about members of the "Dead Rock Stars Hall ofFame". Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain were allinjecting Lysol Tub and Tile Cleaner between their toes and then takingturns roto-tilling the carpet in my living room. After fully mutilatingthe entire area, they sat down, took off all their clothes, and beganapplying scalding hot family-style Velveeta Macaroni and Cheese to mystomach. I tried to scream, but the only word that came out of my mouthwas "rosebud".
Morrison then began to sing Barry Manilow's "I Write theSongs", while Hendrix played air guitar and made screechy feedback soundsfrom his mouth. Janis, wearing only a pair of granny glasses and lots ofbeads around her neck, stood before them and conducted. Cobain just sat ona chair and looked pensive and slightly depressed. Suddenly my 4-foot tallJewish grandmother appeared, wearing a greasy Hell's Angels-Rogers Parkblack leather jacket. She was picking her teeth with a stiletto knife. Shestrode right up to Janis and opened her mouth, and a giant two-headedcircumcised purple penis flicked out and wrapped around Janis' neck. Janisbegan clawing at the organ, and soon collapsed, her face turning the samehue as the penis. Morrison and Hendrix, mouths agape, dove headfirstthrough my living room window, and landed in the bed of a brown Mazdapick-up 30 feet below. The pick-up, commandeered by Roseanne Barr'sfloating bodiless head, which had two chubby hands extending from her earsgripping the steering wheel, promptly crashed into a giant elm tree andburst into flame.
Meanwhile, my grandmother strode up to an unfazed,out-of-it Kurt Cobain, and began tearing off her clothes. She was gnashingher teeth and reciting the lyrics from "Smells Like Teen Spirit", as Cobaincalmly removed his tattered T-shirt and jeans and began to gently make loveto her.
Dreamed by: A Candy Colored Clown They Call the Sandman